Check out Super #SJW Man: A Call-Out Culture Superhero (Satire)!

Thursday, March 4, 2021

Cancel Culture Run Amok! Dr. Suess Canceled?!! Kermit the Frog Canceled?!! Abe Lincoln Canceled?!! WTF?!!!

Here is a short video introducing the subject of Cancel Culture and the cancelation of Dr. Suess, among others. For a deeper dive into this topic, listen to the podcast episode below the video.

 

 

Hello everybody, it’s me, the one and only Daniel D and you are listening to the one and only Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast! It is Thursday, March 4, 2021, and this is episode 5 of season 3, entitled “Cancel Culture Run Amok! Dr. Suess?!! Abe Lincoln?!! Kermit the Frog?!! WTF?!!!!” Today, boys and girls, we are going to talk about Cancel Culture – can you say “Cancel Culture?”

I have been a spiritual seeker most of my life and I have learned about several different religions – Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Daoism – but I have never come across a religion as fucked up as Woke-ism. As you may know, Woke-ism is the religion responsible for Cancel Culture and Political Correctness and all that other BULLSHIT!

Woke-ism is a religion that has all the negative qualities of a crazy death cult, like Jonestown, David Koresh’s Waco cult, the Heaven’s Gate Cult, but with NONE of the psychological benefits of believing there is a supernatural being on your side or that you will have eternal life in some heavenly hereafter.

Woke-ism involves the human sacrifice of free-thinkers and even innocent bystanders to appease a bloodthirsty mob; Woke-ism has blasphemy laws that are strictly enforced; Wokeism hijacks the believer’s brain like a virus and causes them to accept all kinds of preposterous and destructive beliefs purely on faith and NEVER ever question them – and get angry and indignant if anyone else tries to question them; Wokeism excuses violence against non-believers and even encourages its adherents to practice violence in its name – witness all the “mostly peaceful” demonstrations that have been punctuated with the occasional, mostly peaceful beating, looting, pillaging, firebombing, and murder – these murders have been mostly peaceful, except for just a few moments before and after death, but mostly peaceful otherwise.

In a word, Wokeism gets people to sacrifice everything, even themselves and their own livelihoods and even their own family members on its altar of cancel culture, yet it makes them ZERO promises of supernatural blessings or eternal life. Is this not the most amazing religion ever created?

So I learned that cancel culture has now moved on to seemingly innocent children’s entertainment. Kermit the Frog has been canceled! Or at least some of the episodes of The Muppet Show that we knew and loved in the 70s; those episodes have been CANCELED!

Apparently, Kermit the Frog was not as WOKE as he should have been, on 1970s network television. Now, was anything else on TV in the 70s Woke by today’s standards? NO! Which is why, if you are going to waste your time watching television, you should watch re-runs from the 1970s before you watch the kind of crap they are peddling today. But yes, loyal listeners, if you grew up watching Kermit the Frog or the Muppets, you are RACIST, SEXIST, and TRANSPHOBIC! I don’t have any proof to back these claims up, but like any other religious claim, YOU DON’T NEED PROOF in order to believe these WOKE-IST beliefs.

Okay, real quick about Kermit the Frog, I never did understand how he was able to have a romance with Miss Piggy. I mean, a pig would be like 1,000 times the size of a frog, at least! Let’s say Kermit was the  biggest bullfrog ever, and let’s pretend Miss Piggy was a relatively small Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, it STILL would not work. Miss Piggy would step on Kermit and squash him like a bug!

Think about it! How on earth could Kermit the Frog make love to Miss Piggy? She would have to lie down on the ground, and he would have to stand on a ladder or something. And she probably wouldn’t even feel ANYTHING! “Hey, Kermie, is it in?” – “Uh, yeah, Piggy, it’s in. In fact, I just finished. You didn’t feel me inside you?” – “No, Kermie. Can you use your big long frog tongue to get me off? It’s not that your frog penis is small, it’s just… Oh, Kermie, I’m sorry.”

But it’s not the depiction of alternative sexual lifestyles of pigs and frogs that is getting The Muppet Show canceled, because THAT would be okay. No, it’s the … lack of WOKE sensitivity towards some group THAT IS LIKE ONE-HALF OF A PERCENT OF THE FUCKING POPULATION! But this group, even though it can cancel mainstream children’s television shows, is still somehow marginalized and powerless and disenfranchised. SO MUCH SO that a tiny little frog named Kermit is seen to be “punching down” on them.

You know, I am sick and fucking tired of this goddam term “punching down.” So doing violence to someone is okay, as long as the violence is directed upwards, at someone taller than you. Well, I’m not a giant, but goddammit, on behalf of giants everywhere – not the football team, mind you, I’m talking about real-life giants, I am fucking offended at this term “punching down” that makes it sound like it’s okay to punch up, which is probably going to make giants feel triggered.

Not only that, but every fairy tale has the giant as a bad guy. Jack and the Beanstalk! We need to cancel goddamn Mother Goose – and not because of those Andrew Dice Clay nursery rhymes either – but because Mother Goose, and the Brothers Grimm, and all those other fairy tale writers were fucking prejudice against giants!

You know what I like to do?! I like to fight midgets – because I LOVE punching down on people! Especially dwarves and midgets!

In the meantime, the cancel culture mob has taken down another racist, sexist, transphobic relic of our childhoods: Dr. Suess. That’s right. First of all, he’s not even a real doctor. That’s why I would cancel him: if you take his medical advice, you will probably DIE! Like, “Hey Dr. Suess, I have some left over ham and eggs that have been in the fridge so long they are turning GREEN! Can I still eat them?” – And Quack-doctor Suess says, “Sure kids, eat those green eggs and ham!” The book Green Eggs and Ham needs to come with a WARNING LABEL: “Warning: Dr. Suess is NOT a real doctor – he doesn’t even play a doctor on TV – so he is NOT qualified to give medical advice. Also, eating green meat or eggs is HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.”

So that’s why I would cancel Dr. Suess: he’s giving out dangerous dietary advice to impressionable young children. Look, I’m no doctor, but if you look in the fridge and see leftover eggs and ham that have turned GREEN, then THROW THAT SHIT OUT!

But that’s not the reason the cancel culture crew have gone after Dr. Suess. First of all, during the 1940s, while we were at WAR with Japan AND Germany, Dr. Suess drew unflattering caricatures of BOTH the Japanese AND the Germans. Like EVERY MOTHERFUCKING BODY ELSE in the free world at that time, Dr. Suess hated Germany and Japan. Now, if we are going to take Dr. Suess totally out of context and judge his 1940s anti-Axis powers cartoons by the enlightened standards of today, then FUCK YEAH, cancel him.

Apparently, after World War II, Dr. Suess also drew Asian-looking characters in other books and they don’t look true to life. You know, their faces look cartoonish, because – get this – IT’S A FUCKING CARTOON!

Of course, precisely NOBODY that Dr. Suess drew looks true to life. And no animals either. Or places. Or things. NOTHING Dr. Suess drew looks true to life. They ALL look like bizarre caricatures of the real thing because, ya know, that’s what he drew, regardless of whether he was drawing white or non-white people.

But that’s all it takes to get canceled. The most popular and iconic children’s author of modern times. The corpse that is second only to the corpse of Michael Jackson as the top earning dead artist who’s not alive today. If that guy can get canceled, who the hell is safe?

Now Lincoln, ABE LINCOLN, is getting canceled! The Great Emancipator! The guy who made sure the Union finished the fight in the Civil War and freed the slaves. The guy who was a great friend of Frederick Douglass AT A TIME WHEN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LEGAL FOR HIM TO OWN DOUGLASS AS A SLAVE, but who instead invited Frederick Douglass to the White House as his honored guest, so this was extremely progressive for the 1860s, mind you – THAT MAN is now being canceled. What the fuck?!!!

Well, I’ve talked to someone who is practically a Cardinal or Archbishop in the Woke-ist religion, Peter Puffboy,  and Mr. Puffboy assures me that this cancelation is well deserved. Apparently, Dr. Suess needs to be canceled because he culturally appropriated and made fun of the style of 1970s black street pimps with the character of the Cat in the Hat. Now, I know some of you will say that the Cat in the Hat was written in the 1950s, decades before the 1970s-era black street pimp even existed. That is a RACIST response, because it uses logic and evidence, both of which are RACIST. Don’t ask me how. Because if you ask me for logical reasons in support of that claim, then YOU are appealing to a racist system developed and employed by the white oppressor to give bad grades to people of color.

But I will give you reasons anyway. The Cat in the Hat. Okay, so first of all, the term “Cat” was coined by black people as a slang term for a cool dude. Also, it’s slang for pussy. So the same term can apply to a cool dude who gets a lot of pussy – he’s a cool cat, or it can refer to the pussy that the cool dude gets. Anyway, by creating a character who, I might add, was black – or at least mostly black, he did have some white fur, but he was mostly black – and who was referred to as a “Cat,” Dr. Suess was clearly implying that this character was a black man, probably a 1970s-era black street pimp. Notice the Cat in the Hat had a cane and a colorful top hat: two trademark emblems of the 1970s black street pimp attire. Then, he’s got these two sidekicks called “Thing One” and “Thing Two.” These “things” clearly represent his hoes. And look at their wild, nappy hair: so this cool cartoon cat from the 1950s was clearly modeled after a black 1970s-era street pimp, he has two nappy-headed hoes working for him, and they go around to CHILDREN’S HOUSES when the parents are gone and throw wild parties, so add to that some elements of pedophilia. Dr. Suess is basically saying black men are pimps, black women are hoes, and on top of that, they want to corrupt white children and probably even have sex with them. So definitely, the Cat in the Hat reeks of racist oppression and anti-blackness. 

And then there’s Abraham Lincoln. Let me tell you about THAT white supremacist slave-liberator! First of all, Abe Lincoln culturally appropriated the name “Abraham” from the Jews, so he’s obviously an anti-Semite. Second, old Honest Abe culturally appropriated his trademark top hat and long coat and cane from – you guessed it – 1970s black street pimps! Doesn’t matter that Abe Lincoln was killed over 100 years before the 1970s black street pimps ever existed, HE WAS A RACIST CULTURAL APPROPRIATOR!

So I say, Hell Yeah, cancel Abe Lincoln! Cancel the Cat in the Hat!

Now, all this cancel-culture hysteria reminds me of a book I wrote wayyy back in 2019 called “Super #SJW Man: A Cancel-Culture Superhero,” which is available on Amazon, if anyone wants to get a copy. I will include a link to the book on Amazon in the show notes.

Anyway, I have decided I am going to create an audio book of this classic tale as a series of podcast episodes, so for the next several episodes, I will include a segment where I read a chapter of this book.

Let me just tell you a little bit about Super #SJW Man. Whereas other super heroes usually have some supernatural ability or superpower, Super #SJW Man’s superpower is his super sensitivity – nay, his super-duper fragility. He is a super snowflake! And he is super concerned about how offensive EVERYTHING is. So he decides to do something about it. He gets a sidekick, a guy who goes by the name “Captain Wokeness,” and together the two of them go around fighting insensitivity and microagressions and politically incorrect speech and so forth. And hilarity ensues, as they go bumbling from one idiotic misadventure to the next, all in the name of WOKENESS!

So the first installment of the audio book for Super #SJW Man: A Cancel Culture Superhero will be coming in the next episode. And as I said, the book is available on Amazon if you want to read it.

And that brings us to the end of this episode, entitled “Cancel Culture Run Amok: Dr. Suess?!! Abe Lincoln?!! Kermit the Frog?!! WTF?!!!!” which is episode 5 of season 3 of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast. And I am your host Daniel D. Till next time, peace out bitches!

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss any future craziness -- including Daniel D reading from his classic book on #cancelculture called "Super #SJW Man," available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B084CZ5DBP/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_GZBJS0FEZZ2BB0GNVDQ0 (NOTE: making a purchase on Amazon through this affiliate link will give me a small commission at NO extra cost to you -- thanks for supporting the podcast!)

And I am your host Daniel D. Till next time, peace out bitches!

#cancelculture #comedy #satire #humor #DrSuess


Check out this latest episode of the Crazy Comedy, Humor, and Satire Podcast by Daniel D!

Sunday, February 28, 2021

Hypocrisy Is OK for Me but NOT for You!


In this episode of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, Daniel D rants and raves about hypocrisy and why it's okay for him to be a hypocrite, but NOT okay for other people, like that virtue-signaling #sjw LeBron James. 

Transcript of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, Season 3 Episode 4: Hypocrisy Is OK for Me, but Not for You!

Alright, it is me, Daniel D, and this is THE one and only Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast for Sunday, February 28, 2021. And this week, boys and girls, we will discuss hypocrisy.

Because every great public speaker starts off by quoting the definition of a word, I will start with the definition for the word “hypocrisy.” Webster’s Dictionary defines “hypocrisy” as “the state of being or acting like Lebron James.”

Okay, so some people thought I was too hard on Lebron James in my last episode, in which I talked about how he is such a vocal social justice warrior whenever it will signal his virtue to his fans AND there is ZERO economic risk to him personally. Which to me is kind of hypocritical. He calls other people out for not doing more to fight supposed injustices, but then he “stands up,” if you can call it that, only when it benefits him personally, and NEVER when it could cost him, even though he’s a multi-millionaire and such a good ball player that he COULD get away with taking an unpopular stand.

But nevermind whether my criticism of Lebron James for being a FUCKING HYPOCRITE is correct; there are some people who didn’t like that. “Hey man, why you calling out Lebron, at least he does speak out about some injustice. What do you do? Aren’t you hypocritical sometimes too?” And shit like that.

So let me start off by saying, it’s okay for me to be hypocritical. But it is not okay for other people, like Lebron James, to be hypocritical. You got that? Hypocrisy is okay for ME, but NOT for YOU!

And what is an example of my hypocrisy? Well, I’ll tell you. Sometimes, when I’m in my car, I like to blast the Smith’s album “Meat Is Murder” … in the drive-thru at McDonalds. Because I think it’s important for me to signal my virtue by the messages I share publicly, rather than what I actually do.

So I will play the album “Meat Is Murder” in my car, loudly, with the windows rolled down, blaring my message of how meat-eating is fucking IMMORAL, while ordering a burger in the drive-thru at McDonalds.

The drive-thru cashier will ask me to turn my music down because she can’t hear me, and I say, “Hell naw, I ain’t turnin this down! You are going to hear the message that MEAT IS MURDER and that you are working for a company that is MURDERING animals by the millions! And give me a quarter pounder with cheese.”

And she’ll say, “What? You said a quarter-pounder with cheese and what else?”

And I’ll say, “Fuck that, make it a DOUBLE quarter pounder with cheese. Kill two cows.”

And she’ll say, “What? I can’t hear you over your music. Can you turn it down so I can hear you?”

And I’ll say, “I ain’t turning it down! The customer is always right! I’m the goddam customer, and I want to play my music LOUD, so you can hear the message that MEAT IS MURDER. And I want a muthafucking double quarter pounder with cheese!”

And she’ll say, “What?”

And the people in line behind me will start honking and flipping me off, and I’ll turn the music up louder, so THEY can hear about how MEAT IS MURDER and they are in line at a restaurant that MURDERS COWS AND CHICKENS. And then I’ll lean out the window and scream into the speaker, “I want a half pound of murdered cow on a sandwich! Give me two patties of broiled cow carcass on a bun, with cheese made from the milk of some tortured dairy cow whose calf is going hungry, so that I can eat cheese!”

I want to make sure everyone hears my virtuous moral positions on the subject of meat eating. That’s why I SHOUT them at people and blast  the song “Meat Is Murder” at them.

And then I’ll drive around, pay my money, get my double quarter pounder with cheese, and eat it. And yeah, maybe I should feel a little guilty, because I’m contributing to factory farming and the miserable short lives of cows and chickens and their wholesale slaughter just to feed gluttonous Americans like me, but DAMMIT, at least I’m spreading the message that MEAT IS MURDER! You know what I’m saying? I mean, I am a vegan. Mostly, I’m a vegan. Between the hours of 3AM and 7AM, I am 100% committed to veganism – unless I happen to wake up hungry. But in between meals, at least, I am definitely a vegan. I’ll see one of those PETA undercover videos of what happens on factory farms and in slaughterhouses, and I’ll get sickened by the way the animals are stuffed into tiny, overcrowded cages, how they look sick and sad, and how their throats are slit and they scream and kick and slowly die in agony, and I’ll be like, THAT’S IT! I am gonna make it a point to SPEAK OUT and call other people out who participate in this industry. Right?

So I go to McDonalds and I blast the Smith’s album – great album musically by the way – “Meat Is Murder” at those evil McDonalds workers, and their evil customers. Now, true, while I’m there, I may order a sandwich, because I’m hungry and I have to eat and it’s convenient, but I DO MY PART by letting everyone else there KNOW how evil they are and how what they are doing is WRONG!

Now, some people might say, “Well, Daniel D, if you really feel that way, maybe you should stop eating meat!”

To which my reply is, “What would do more good? Me to stay away from McDonalds because I don’t eat meat, or me to GO to McDonalds and blast the message that MEAT IS MURDER to all the other people at McDonalds? Obviously, me signaling that virtuous message to the public and condemning all of them PUBLICLY, and shaming all those meat-eaters PUBLICLY, now THAT is going to have a much bigger impact and make me feel so much better about myself.”

In all seriousness, though, let me tell you about someone who is NOT a hypocrite. Let me tell you about someone who stands up for his beliefs at great personal risk, because he is determined to do the right thing, no matter how much harm it causes other people. Let me tell you about myself!

In addition to my newfound commitment to animal rights and my strict vegetarianism between meals, I have also become fiercely pro-Life. That’s right. I have decided that there is no greater evil facing America and the world than abortion. Not pandemics being botched by public health officials and governments and causing hundreds of thousands of people to die unnecessarily. NO! Not female genital mutilation, where girls have their clitorises removed in brutal and unsanitary surgeries, WITHOUT ANESTHESIA, in order to please Allah. NO! It’s abortion! Abortion is the greatest evil facing the world today, because of which, the wrath of God is upon America and the world, even as we speak.

So let me tell you how I became converted from being pro-choice to being pro-life. I was driving down the street, and the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that said, “It’s a child, not a choice.” And I said, “Holy shit! I had no idea! I thought it was a choice, not a child. I always thought those women were terminating their choices, I had no idea they were terminating the lives of real unborn children! That changes everything! They can kill choices; that’s cool. But killing children? No way!

So right then and there, I decided I had to take a stand. So I started fighting the evil of abortion in the name of Jesus. I started killing pregnant women. I figure, well, if there ain’t no pregnant women, there can’t be any abortions, right? I mean, pregnant women are the number one demographic when it comes to who is having all these abortions! So in the name of Jesus, I started shooting pregnant women. So far, by my last count, there are 1,375 less pregnant women who could have abortions, thanks to me. See? That’s taking action. That’s taking a stand! If other good people of faith will join me and shoot as many pregnant women as they can, then I think we can drop the number of abortions in America close to zero! Hallellujah!

So let me just end this weird episode of The Crazy Comedy, Humor and Satire Podcast with a public service announcement: be pro life; if we kill women whenever they get pregnant, we will quickly bring an end to abortion. Also, MEAT IS MURDER, muthafuckas!

And that brings us to the end of another great episode of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, starring the one and only Daniel D – that’s me – and this is episode 4, season 3, entitled “Hypocrisy is OK for Me, but NOT for YOU,” which is being released on Sunday, February 28, 2021. If you haven’t already done so, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast, so you don’t miss any future craziness! Till next time, peace out, bitches!!!

#comedy #humor #humour #satire #podcast

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Check out this latest episode of the Crazy Comedy, Humor, and Satire Podcast by Daniel D!

Saturday, February 13, 2021

Anti-Racist Slogans, Woke Pro Athletes, Valentine's Day, and Mardi Gras


Greetings and salutations bitches! In this episode, we discuss Mardi Gras debauchery, being single on Valentines Day, the effectiveness of anti-racist slogans, the wokeness of pro athletes, and more!

Transcript of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, Season 3 Episode 3: Woke Professional Athletes and Ending Racism

Hello and welcome to another episode of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, starring the one and only Daniel D – Hey, that’s me!  It is Saturday, February 13, 2021 – It’s a good thing the 13th day of the month is only really considered unlucky if it’s a Friday. So happy lucky Saturday the 13th, everyone!

This coming week we have a very important Catholic holiday that we observe in our culture: and by “Catholic holiday,” I’m not talking about Ash Wednesday or even *Saint* Valentine’s Day – I‘m talking about muthafucking Mardis Gras! Fat Tuesday, bitches! Time to party hardy and get drunk as hell and totally wasted and throw beads at drunk bitches and get them to show us their titties *before* we do penance for all our sins during Ash Wednesday and the ensuing season of Lent. Hey, if you’re going to give up meat on Fridays – lucky thing that FISH somehow does NOT count as meat, don’t really know how that works, I guess all marine animals are considered vegetables or something – but anyway, if you are going to make these sacrifices during Lent, like giving up meat on Fridays and behaving yourself and going to extra masses during the week and not partying for the 40 days and 40 nights of Lent, then you gotta spend a day just getting fucking BLASTED first, right?! And if you’re off for Presidents’ Day, you can even start your Mardis Gras celebrations early!

Speaking of Lent, you wanna know what I’m giving up this year for Lent? Christianity! [Rim Shot.] Yep, giving up Christianity for Lent this year.

And speaking of holidays, tomorrow is *Saint* Valentine’s Day. People say that Valentine’s Day is a bad time of year to be single – NO IT’S NOT!!! Valentine’s Day is a VERY good time to be single. It means you ain’t gotta worry about buying nobody NOTHIN! No roses! No chocolates! No dinners at fancy restaurants! No fake smiling and pretending to be interested in the BULLSHIT she’s talking about because you think you might get laid later! NONE OF THAT! No pressure to come up with some creative and extravagant way of showing your love for someone, so she can brag about it to all her bitchy friends! NOTHING! You know who I’m spending Valentine’s Day with? My right hand and my left hand. And you better believe, my right hand WILL know what the left hand is doing. We are gonna have us a nice menage a tois, and these two sexy bitches won’t talk my ear off, they ain’t asking me to buy them shit, when we’re done, I just roll over and go to sleep. BOOM! Cuz that’s how I do it! Like a pimp with no hoes, muthafucka! So all you guys in relationships out there, you can have all that shit! Happy Valentine’s Day, suckas!

Okay, and with that heartwarming Valentine’s Day message out of the way, what’s new in the world since the last time I talked with you guys? Well, Tom Brady showed that middle-aged white guys *can* be pretty good at sports, as he won a 7th super bowl ring, this time with a new team. He and another aging white guy, Rob Gronkowski, set the record for passing/receiving duos for touchdowns in Super Bowls. Hell yeah! Of course, as a good suburban white guy, I am going to ignore the contributions of the other players for the Buccaneers, especially on the defense. I’m just going to focus on the two middle-age white guys.

That said, I would also like to thank Tom Brady, as well as all the players and the entire NFL, for putting such important and inspiring messages on the backs of their helmets. As I watched the game, I saw the slogan “End Racism” on the back of Brady’s helmet, as well as the backs of other players helmets, and it made me realize, for the first time in my life, that racism is wrong.

I had no idea! I mean, racism? Wrong? Who knew?

It was such a profound revelation for me. I mean, I thought racism was okay! And if I had not seen that slogan on the backs of those football helmets, saying “End Racism,” I would have probably gone on thinking racism was okay.

Let me tell you about my journey into Racism as a religion and way of life. I had tried Catholicism and Buddhism and Stoicism and Gnosticism, and none of it was working, but then one day, a couple of years ago, I was sitting there on skid row, thinking of ending it all, when a couple of nice white supremacists wearing white shirts and ties rode by on their bikes. They could see the desperation in my eyes. They stopped and said they had a message of hope and inspiration and white supremacy that could change my life. They told me about how God is white … with blue eyes, Jesus is white … with blue eyes, and all the angels are white … with blue eyes, and so logically, being white is awesome, being white is a privilege, and being white means, automatically, that your life does not suck. No way! If you are white, your life is awesome! Especially if you have blue eyes, which I don’t but my skin is quite pale, especially on my chest and abdomen, so my life was like 90% awesome. Not as awesome as it would have been if I had blue eyes, but still pretty awesome.

I started attending the racist church, officially known as The Church of the White Jesus, where we would sing hymns about being white and we would burn crosses, so that when Jesus comes back, he won’t have his PTSD triggered by seeing a cross. According to these nice racists, Jesus wants us to burn all the crosses before he comes back, so that his enemies. the Jews and Liberals, can’t crucify him again. They’ll go looking for a cross to crucify Jesus when he comes back, but they won’t be able to find any, because we will have burned all the fucking crosses! It’s genius!

Anyway, being racist really gave my life meaning and purpose: just being white in this world. Bringing “white” into the darkness. Our sacraments at The Church of the White Jesus were eating mayonnaise sandwiches and drinking nice white whole milk, doing country music line dancing, chewing tobacco and spittin it into a spittoon, and listening to our leaders tell us inspiring tales of the good old days in medieval Europe, when our white ancestors lived in dirt huts and slaved away in abject serfdom and ignorance, until they died at the ripe old age of 30 from the plague. Oh, those were the days! Before all the blacks and Mexicans started reverse discriminating against us!

So I was a committed racist. I mean, I knew about the Civil Rights Act, I’ve heard the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.’s “I Have a Dream Speech,” and I’ve seen talented black artists and leaders do great things, but none of that could change my mind about racism! I believed the solution was to turn back the hands of time to 1400, when Europe was lily-white, when we had good family values like burning witches and torturing heretics and dying of smallpox and all that.

I thought Racism was a good and true philosophy and way of life! But thanks be to the NFL, I now know how wrong I was. “End Racism!” That message on the backs of the helmets, so simple, and yet so powerful, convinced me of something that MLK, JFK, RFK, LBJ, and other people who are known to us by their initials, were never able to convince me of. Suddenly, I saw the light! My eyes were opened! My heart was healed! “End Racism!”

So thank you, NFL, thank you so much for your woke activism, which has changed so many minds, including my own, about racism and bigotry. I always thought it was okay to be racis. Nobody had really challenged me on that before! No one had been able to change my mind, but just seeing that slogan, “End Racism,” on the backs of those helmets, by God, that’s what did it for me! Racism is wrong! Very wrong! And it must be ended!

Okay, so while we’re on the subject of racism, where is a Klansman’s favorite place to hang out? The Laundromat! Because at the laundromat, it’s okay to keep the whites separate from the other colors.

Okay, since I’m probably going to get canceled anyway for this episode, here’s another racial joke for you! What do you call a Mexican who travels to outer space? You give up? Okay, I’ll tell you, you call a Mexican who travels to outer space an astronaut, you fucking racist piece of shit!

And speaking of wokeness in professional sports, I would also like to thank the NBA for supporting its athletes whenever they speak Truth to Power, unless, of course, that power is the Chinese Communist Party. I mean, freedom of speech and end police brutality and all that, unless it’s a bunch of Kung-Flu Breathing Hong-Kong protesters, in which case, fuck them! Let those motherfuckers get beat by the police, right! Black lives matter! HongKonger lives do NOT fucking matter! Not in the least! Not when China is letting the NBA do business and make bank in their country! So the NBA showed us how wokeness is done! Take a stand! Be bold! Be brave! As long as it’s trendy! As long as it’s fashionable! As long as you can signal your superior virtue by doing it! But NOT if it is going to damage your bottom line! Here’s a good rule of thumb, which NBA players like Lebron James use to decide when to take a stand: is it going to piss off former President Trump and his supporters? Good! Do it! Is it going to piss off President Xi Jinping and his supporters? Then hell no! Don’t fucking do it! Got it?

Oh, and before I forget, happy Black History month! Now, question, does Michael Jackson’s groundbreaking career, having the biggest-selling album of all time, Thriller, becoming the undisputed King of Pop, does that count as Black History or White history? Or both? I guess Thriller would still be Black History, but what about Bad? What about Dangerous? At what point did Michael Jackson and his many achievements cease to be groundbreaking moments in Black history and instead become part of White history?

Hey, here’s a great Michael Jackson racial joke for you – since I’m already going to get canceled, I might as well go all the way, huh – doesn’t Michael Jackson prove that America really is the land of opportunity? I mean, where else can a poor black boy grow up to be a rich white woman? [Rim Shot.]

And that brings us to the end of this very strange and incomprehensible episode of The Crazy Comedy Humor and Satire Podcast for Sunday, February 14, 2021. If you haven’t already done so, be sure to subscribe to the podcast, so you don’t miss out on any future craziness! As always, my name is Daniel D, and till next time, peace out bitches!

If you haven't already done so, be sure to subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss any future craziness! And check out www.CrazyComedyHumor.com, the website where all the cool people hang out!


Check out this latest episode of the Crazy Comedy, Humor, and Satire Podcast by Daniel D!

Sunday, January 24, 2021

Trying to Explain the Q-Anon Conspiracy Theory to Children (Spoiler alert: they ain't buyin it!)


In this episode of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, Daniel D attempts to explain the Q-Anon Conspiracy Theory to children, and -- spoiler alert! -- the kids ain't buying it. Turns out, the believers in the Q-Anon Conspiracy Theory are NOT smarter than a 6th grader, or a 4th grader, or even a 1st grader, although they may be smarter than a 6-year-old beagle. 

If you haven't already done so, be sure to subscribe to the podcast so that you don't miss any future episodes! And check out www.CrazyComedyHumor.com for even more craziness!


Check out this latest episode of the Crazy Comedy, Humor, and Satire Podcast by Daniel D!

Saturday, December 26, 2020

WTF Happened in 2020?!!


WTF happened in 2020?!!! In this episode of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, Daniel D examines this question -- as well as the question of WTF happened to him and his podcasting during the last few months! But never fear, loyal listeners, Daniel D is back and better than ever.

Transcript of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast Episode: "WTF Happened in 2020?!!!"

Alright, it’s The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, on Saturday, December 26, 2020, and I’m your host, Daniel D, welcoming you to another groundbreaking moment in the history of podcasting!

Just kidding. Don’t expect me to break any new ground in this episode. Ain’t gonna happen.

In fact, you probably want to go ahead and lower your expectations – A LOT! Whatever your expectations are for how a good podcast should sound, just, get rid of those expectations.

This episode is entitled “WTF Happened in 2020?!!!”

This episode kind of serves as a segue between the past seasons and iterations of my podcasts and future episodes, since there has been a break from regular weekly episodes while I’ve been kind of retooling things on a personal level and as a podcaster. In this episode, I kind of check back in after my unscheduled and unannounced sabbatical that I have taken during the last few months of 2020.

Alright, and with that little bit of housekeeping out of the way, let’s dive right into the question of . . . WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED IN 2020?!!!

I’ll start with myself. What the fuck happened to me this year? I haven’t done a new episode of either of my podcasts in weeks. So let me give you a made-up excuse as to why I have not been more productive.

Well, you know how people will say, “So and so dropped off the face of the earth?”

I always thought that was just a figure of speech. But that’s kind of what happened to me. I kind of dropped off the face of the earth.

I didn’t think it was possible, but I managed to do it. So there I was, on a skateboard, going down a really steep hill; I was going one way, the earth was rotating the other way; I got going really fast down that hill; the combined speed of the earth’s rotation and my skateboarding kind of exceeded the escape velocity for the planet Earth; I hit a rock; and I kind of fell off the face of the earth and went hurtling into outer space.

I didn’t think it could happen either, but hey! Learn something new every day!

And that, my friends and fellow humans, is why I haven’t done a new episode of my podcasts in a long time. It’s kind of hard to do any podcasting from outer space. First of all, the internet really sucks up there. There aren’t too many cell towers, so it’s really hard to get a signal. Also, there’s a slight problem with not being able to breathe, due to the lack of oxygen, so, long story short, I haven’t been able to do any new podcast episodes.

Yep, so that’s my story and I’m sticking to it – unless you don’t believe me, in which case I can give you a different story as to what REALLY happened. Or if you do believe me, boy oh boy, have I got a bridge to sell you! In the heart of New York City, the historic Brooklyn Bridge, own a piece of this iconic landmark for just ten easy payments of $19.95, payable by cash or money order made out to Daniel D’s podcasting adventures!

If you want to buy a piece of the Brooklyn Bridge, just check out the show notes for how to contact me.

Anyway, with that explanation out of the way, I just want to say, I have NO IDEA what the fuck happened in 2020. I don’t know if anyone does. At some point, I realized that I probably needed to stop commenting on current events if I didn’t know what in the fuck is happening in the world at large and that I would probably just be adding to the confusion if I kept spouting off my views about things. So I took some time off. Kind of did some soul-searching – made a “searching and fearless moral inventory,” if you will – and kind of followed good ol’ Timothy Leary’s advice: I turned on, tuned in, and dropped out. Or maybe I changed what I was tuning in and watching/listening to/reading. Like, if Life was a radio, I tuned OUT the noise from the religious wackos on Fox News and MSNBC and their gospel of perpetual outrage – whether it’s the personality cult of Trump on the Right, or the cult of wokeness on the Left, both sides, Left and Right, are basically acting just like the worst and most intolerant and close-minded religious zealots this year – and I got the hell off of social media, where I really missed all the deep and meaningful and nuanced conversations happening in 144 characters or less on Twitter – NOT! – and I tuned into Zen, Daoism, recovery literature, Stoicism, Positive Psychology, and all that, and kind of compiled my own religious philosophy of 12-step Zen Stoicism. Something like that.

Anyway, I’ve decided to stop doing the What’s Wrong With America? Podcast, because – confession! – I really don’t have any fucking answers! I don’t know what the fuck is going on in the world right now. I’m doing well enough just trying to figure out what’s wrong with me and fix THAT, I got nothing productive to say at this time about what’s wrong with society – partly because there is NOT ENOUGH TIME IN THE DAY to even list all the things that are wrong, let alone talk about WHY they’re wrong or how to fix them. But hey, I have decided I am going to be more positive in 2021, and talking about what is WRONG with America and with the ENTIRE HUMAN RACE is too draining, too much negative energy. So I am going to pretend everything is okay, and I will stop doing the What’s Wrong With America? podcast – although I will release this episode in the feed for that podcast, just to say, basically, don’t expect any new episodes of the What’s Wrong With America? podcast, but . . . please DO listen and subscribe to The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast!

Why? Because I AM going to be doing a new and improved version of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, and YOU DON’T WANT TO MISS IT!!! (“Yeah, Daniel D, like we haven’t heard that one before…”) No, seriously, it will be NEW and IMPROVED, like all the over-the-counter medicines on the shelves of your local pharmacy!

Now, I will be emphasizing quality over quantity on this podcast – imagine that! Quality over quantity in 21st-century America! – so I’ll be releasing new episodes whenever I have something worth saying. I will not have a set release schedule. If I have a burst of creative energy and can put together something good and funny together – even if you have to smoke weed first for it to be funny or make sense – then I will release something. And if I look at what I’ve come up with and think, you know, maybe the world doesn’t need more of this today, then I won’t release anything.

I’ve got another project or two that I’m working on as well. Like I’m writing a book about my experience with having ADD, but it’s real hard for me to CONCENTRATE on it. [Sound of rim shot.] But seriously, folks. I’m also working on a rap album with Pastor Joel Osteen with the working title – Homies with the Highest – just kidding . . . it’s actually going to be called “Bitches ‘N Cream.” Yep, move over Sergeant Pepper’s, move over Led Zeppelin IV and Dark Side of the Moon, rap albums like “Bitches ‘N Cream” is like, revolutionizing popular music.

On the subject of rap, did you know that a group of country singers and a group of rap stars have gotten together to create a new style of music, called “country rap,” which will be abbreviated as “C-Rap” or “CRAP” for short. Apparently, there is also talk with these country singers and rappers to add K-Pop boy bands to the mix, and calling this new musical genre “Complete CRAP!”

But seriously folks, from time to time, I will release something funny and amusing on this podcast feed. Please be sure to subscribe to The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, so that you don’t miss any of this fantastic new content when it is released on my sporadic and unpredictable schedule.   

And with that, I wish you all a happy belated Christmas, a happy Kwanzaa, happy Hannukka, happy Saturnalia, if you’re an ancient Roman, a happy Festivus if you like Seinfeld and don’t like all this Santa-Clause-shit, and a very happy new year, unless of course, you are Chinese, in which case I wish you a very happy continuation of the old year. The year of the Panda or whatever the fuck animal it is now. It’s Saturday, December 26, 2020, and this is Daniel D saying on behalf of all of us at the Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast – and by “all of us,” I mean, of course, just me – God bless us, every one! Peace out, bitches!!! 

With an emphasis on QUALITY over QUANTITY (how un-American!), the release schedule may be less regular (like my bowel movements, fool!), so be sure to subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss new episodes when they drop (like my bowel movements into the toilet, fool). And visit www.CrazyComedyHumor.com for even more craziness!

#WTF2020 #comedy #humor #satire #podcast


Check out this latest episode of the Crazy Comedy, Humor, and Satire Podcast by Daniel D!

Thursday, September 3, 2020

Daniel D Is Running for President!


The #2020Election just got more exciting! Daniel D has decided to stop taking his psychiatric medication and run for President of the USA! Along with his loyal running mate, Maxine the Beagle, who is the first non-human female Vice Presidential candidate, Daniel D has an exciting platform to make America better, including banning Mondays and legalizing child labor!

If you haven't already done so, please subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss any updates from Daniel D's campaign! And visit www.CrazyComedyHumor.com for even more craziness!

#satire #comedy #humor #humour #podcast


Check out this latest episode of the Crazy Comedy, Humor, and Satire Podcast by Daniel D!

Monday, August 24, 2020

Episode 2 (Season 2) of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast


It's The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, and we're back with the 2nd episode of Season 2, in which we learn what Daniel D's neighbor, Joseph Smith has been hiding in his secret shed. Is it a harem of underage sex slaves? Or is it something even crazier?

You can email Daniel D at danield.crazycomedyhumor@gmail.com (propositions from sexy females are always welcome). Visit www.CrazyComedyHumor.com for even more craziness!

#comedy #humor #satire #podcast


Check out this latest episode of the Crazy Comedy, Humor, and Satire Podcast by Daniel D!

Cancel Culture Run Amok! Dr. Suess Canceled?!! Kermit the Frog Canceled?!! Abe Lincoln Canceled?!! WTF?!!!

Here is a short video introducing the subject of Cancel Culture and the cancelation of Dr. Suess, among others. For a deeper dive into this ...