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Thursday, March 4, 2021

Cancel Culture Run Amok! Dr. Suess Canceled?!! Kermit the Frog Canceled?!! Abe Lincoln Canceled?!! WTF?!!!

Here is a short video introducing the subject of Cancel Culture and the cancelation of Dr. Suess, among others. For a deeper dive into this topic, listen to the podcast episode below the video.

 

 

Hello everybody, it’s me, the one and only Daniel D and you are listening to the one and only Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast! It is Thursday, March 4, 2021, and this is episode 5 of season 3, entitled “Cancel Culture Run Amok! Dr. Suess?!! Abe Lincoln?!! Kermit the Frog?!! WTF?!!!!” Today, boys and girls, we are going to talk about Cancel Culture – can you say “Cancel Culture?”

I have been a spiritual seeker most of my life and I have learned about several different religions – Christianity, Judaism, Islam, Buddhism, Daoism – but I have never come across a religion as fucked up as Woke-ism. As you may know, Woke-ism is the religion responsible for Cancel Culture and Political Correctness and all that other BULLSHIT!

Woke-ism is a religion that has all the negative qualities of a crazy death cult, like Jonestown, David Koresh’s Waco cult, the Heaven’s Gate Cult, but with NONE of the psychological benefits of believing there is a supernatural being on your side or that you will have eternal life in some heavenly hereafter.

Woke-ism involves the human sacrifice of free-thinkers and even innocent bystanders to appease a bloodthirsty mob; Woke-ism has blasphemy laws that are strictly enforced; Wokeism hijacks the believer’s brain like a virus and causes them to accept all kinds of preposterous and destructive beliefs purely on faith and NEVER ever question them – and get angry and indignant if anyone else tries to question them; Wokeism excuses violence against non-believers and even encourages its adherents to practice violence in its name – witness all the “mostly peaceful” demonstrations that have been punctuated with the occasional, mostly peaceful beating, looting, pillaging, firebombing, and murder – these murders have been mostly peaceful, except for just a few moments before and after death, but mostly peaceful otherwise.

In a word, Wokeism gets people to sacrifice everything, even themselves and their own livelihoods and even their own family members on its altar of cancel culture, yet it makes them ZERO promises of supernatural blessings or eternal life. Is this not the most amazing religion ever created?

So I learned that cancel culture has now moved on to seemingly innocent children’s entertainment. Kermit the Frog has been canceled! Or at least some of the episodes of The Muppet Show that we knew and loved in the 70s; those episodes have been CANCELED!

Apparently, Kermit the Frog was not as WOKE as he should have been, on 1970s network television. Now, was anything else on TV in the 70s Woke by today’s standards? NO! Which is why, if you are going to waste your time watching television, you should watch re-runs from the 1970s before you watch the kind of crap they are peddling today. But yes, loyal listeners, if you grew up watching Kermit the Frog or the Muppets, you are RACIST, SEXIST, and TRANSPHOBIC! I don’t have any proof to back these claims up, but like any other religious claim, YOU DON’T NEED PROOF in order to believe these WOKE-IST beliefs.

Okay, real quick about Kermit the Frog, I never did understand how he was able to have a romance with Miss Piggy. I mean, a pig would be like 1,000 times the size of a frog, at least! Let’s say Kermit was the  biggest bullfrog ever, and let’s pretend Miss Piggy was a relatively small Vietnamese pot-bellied pig, it STILL would not work. Miss Piggy would step on Kermit and squash him like a bug!

Think about it! How on earth could Kermit the Frog make love to Miss Piggy? She would have to lie down on the ground, and he would have to stand on a ladder or something. And she probably wouldn’t even feel ANYTHING! “Hey, Kermie, is it in?” – “Uh, yeah, Piggy, it’s in. In fact, I just finished. You didn’t feel me inside you?” – “No, Kermie. Can you use your big long frog tongue to get me off? It’s not that your frog penis is small, it’s just… Oh, Kermie, I’m sorry.”

But it’s not the depiction of alternative sexual lifestyles of pigs and frogs that is getting The Muppet Show canceled, because THAT would be okay. No, it’s the … lack of WOKE sensitivity towards some group THAT IS LIKE ONE-HALF OF A PERCENT OF THE FUCKING POPULATION! But this group, even though it can cancel mainstream children’s television shows, is still somehow marginalized and powerless and disenfranchised. SO MUCH SO that a tiny little frog named Kermit is seen to be “punching down” on them.

You know, I am sick and fucking tired of this goddam term “punching down.” So doing violence to someone is okay, as long as the violence is directed upwards, at someone taller than you. Well, I’m not a giant, but goddammit, on behalf of giants everywhere – not the football team, mind you, I’m talking about real-life giants, I am fucking offended at this term “punching down” that makes it sound like it’s okay to punch up, which is probably going to make giants feel triggered.

Not only that, but every fairy tale has the giant as a bad guy. Jack and the Beanstalk! We need to cancel goddamn Mother Goose – and not because of those Andrew Dice Clay nursery rhymes either – but because Mother Goose, and the Brothers Grimm, and all those other fairy tale writers were fucking prejudice against giants!

You know what I like to do?! I like to fight midgets – because I LOVE punching down on people! Especially dwarves and midgets!

In the meantime, the cancel culture mob has taken down another racist, sexist, transphobic relic of our childhoods: Dr. Suess. That’s right. First of all, he’s not even a real doctor. That’s why I would cancel him: if you take his medical advice, you will probably DIE! Like, “Hey Dr. Suess, I have some left over ham and eggs that have been in the fridge so long they are turning GREEN! Can I still eat them?” – And Quack-doctor Suess says, “Sure kids, eat those green eggs and ham!” The book Green Eggs and Ham needs to come with a WARNING LABEL: “Warning: Dr. Suess is NOT a real doctor – he doesn’t even play a doctor on TV – so he is NOT qualified to give medical advice. Also, eating green meat or eggs is HAZARDOUS TO YOUR HEALTH.”

So that’s why I would cancel Dr. Suess: he’s giving out dangerous dietary advice to impressionable young children. Look, I’m no doctor, but if you look in the fridge and see leftover eggs and ham that have turned GREEN, then THROW THAT SHIT OUT!

But that’s not the reason the cancel culture crew have gone after Dr. Suess. First of all, during the 1940s, while we were at WAR with Japan AND Germany, Dr. Suess drew unflattering caricatures of BOTH the Japanese AND the Germans. Like EVERY MOTHERFUCKING BODY ELSE in the free world at that time, Dr. Suess hated Germany and Japan. Now, if we are going to take Dr. Suess totally out of context and judge his 1940s anti-Axis powers cartoons by the enlightened standards of today, then FUCK YEAH, cancel him.

Apparently, after World War II, Dr. Suess also drew Asian-looking characters in other books and they don’t look true to life. You know, their faces look cartoonish, because – get this – IT’S A FUCKING CARTOON!

Of course, precisely NOBODY that Dr. Suess drew looks true to life. And no animals either. Or places. Or things. NOTHING Dr. Suess drew looks true to life. They ALL look like bizarre caricatures of the real thing because, ya know, that’s what he drew, regardless of whether he was drawing white or non-white people.

But that’s all it takes to get canceled. The most popular and iconic children’s author of modern times. The corpse that is second only to the corpse of Michael Jackson as the top earning dead artist who’s not alive today. If that guy can get canceled, who the hell is safe?

Now Lincoln, ABE LINCOLN, is getting canceled! The Great Emancipator! The guy who made sure the Union finished the fight in the Civil War and freed the slaves. The guy who was a great friend of Frederick Douglass AT A TIME WHEN IT WOULD HAVE BEEN LEGAL FOR HIM TO OWN DOUGLASS AS A SLAVE, but who instead invited Frederick Douglass to the White House as his honored guest, so this was extremely progressive for the 1860s, mind you – THAT MAN is now being canceled. What the fuck?!!!

Well, I’ve talked to someone who is practically a Cardinal or Archbishop in the Woke-ist religion, Peter Puffboy,  and Mr. Puffboy assures me that this cancelation is well deserved. Apparently, Dr. Suess needs to be canceled because he culturally appropriated and made fun of the style of 1970s black street pimps with the character of the Cat in the Hat. Now, I know some of you will say that the Cat in the Hat was written in the 1950s, decades before the 1970s-era black street pimp even existed. That is a RACIST response, because it uses logic and evidence, both of which are RACIST. Don’t ask me how. Because if you ask me for logical reasons in support of that claim, then YOU are appealing to a racist system developed and employed by the white oppressor to give bad grades to people of color.

But I will give you reasons anyway. The Cat in the Hat. Okay, so first of all, the term “Cat” was coined by black people as a slang term for a cool dude. Also, it’s slang for pussy. So the same term can apply to a cool dude who gets a lot of pussy – he’s a cool cat, or it can refer to the pussy that the cool dude gets. Anyway, by creating a character who, I might add, was black – or at least mostly black, he did have some white fur, but he was mostly black – and who was referred to as a “Cat,” Dr. Suess was clearly implying that this character was a black man, probably a 1970s-era black street pimp. Notice the Cat in the Hat had a cane and a colorful top hat: two trademark emblems of the 1970s black street pimp attire. Then, he’s got these two sidekicks called “Thing One” and “Thing Two.” These “things” clearly represent his hoes. And look at their wild, nappy hair: so this cool cartoon cat from the 1950s was clearly modeled after a black 1970s-era street pimp, he has two nappy-headed hoes working for him, and they go around to CHILDREN’S HOUSES when the parents are gone and throw wild parties, so add to that some elements of pedophilia. Dr. Suess is basically saying black men are pimps, black women are hoes, and on top of that, they want to corrupt white children and probably even have sex with them. So definitely, the Cat in the Hat reeks of racist oppression and anti-blackness. 

And then there’s Abraham Lincoln. Let me tell you about THAT white supremacist slave-liberator! First of all, Abe Lincoln culturally appropriated the name “Abraham” from the Jews, so he’s obviously an anti-Semite. Second, old Honest Abe culturally appropriated his trademark top hat and long coat and cane from – you guessed it – 1970s black street pimps! Doesn’t matter that Abe Lincoln was killed over 100 years before the 1970s black street pimps ever existed, HE WAS A RACIST CULTURAL APPROPRIATOR!

So I say, Hell Yeah, cancel Abe Lincoln! Cancel the Cat in the Hat!

Now, all this cancel-culture hysteria reminds me of a book I wrote wayyy back in 2019 called “Super #SJW Man: A Cancel-Culture Superhero,” which is available on Amazon, if anyone wants to get a copy. I will include a link to the book on Amazon in the show notes.

Anyway, I have decided I am going to create an audio book of this classic tale as a series of podcast episodes, so for the next several episodes, I will include a segment where I read a chapter of this book.

Let me just tell you a little bit about Super #SJW Man. Whereas other super heroes usually have some supernatural ability or superpower, Super #SJW Man’s superpower is his super sensitivity – nay, his super-duper fragility. He is a super snowflake! And he is super concerned about how offensive EVERYTHING is. So he decides to do something about it. He gets a sidekick, a guy who goes by the name “Captain Wokeness,” and together the two of them go around fighting insensitivity and microagressions and politically incorrect speech and so forth. And hilarity ensues, as they go bumbling from one idiotic misadventure to the next, all in the name of WOKENESS!

So the first installment of the audio book for Super #SJW Man: A Cancel Culture Superhero will be coming in the next episode. And as I said, the book is available on Amazon if you want to read it.

And that brings us to the end of this episode, entitled “Cancel Culture Run Amok: Dr. Suess?!! Abe Lincoln?!! Kermit the Frog?!! WTF?!!!!” which is episode 5 of season 3 of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast. And I am your host Daniel D. Till next time, peace out bitches!

Don't forget to subscribe to the podcast, so you don't miss any future craziness -- including Daniel D reading from his classic book on #cancelculture called "Super #SJW Man," available on Amazon at https://www.amazon.com/dp/B084CZ5DBP/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_GZBJS0FEZZ2BB0GNVDQ0 (NOTE: making a purchase on Amazon through this affiliate link will give me a small commission at NO extra cost to you -- thanks for supporting the podcast!)

And I am your host Daniel D. Till next time, peace out bitches!

#cancelculture #comedy #satire #humor #DrSuess


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