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Sunday, February 28, 2021

Hypocrisy Is OK for Me but NOT for You!


In this episode of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, Daniel D rants and raves about hypocrisy and why it's okay for him to be a hypocrite, but NOT okay for other people, like that virtue-signaling #sjw LeBron James. 

Transcript of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, Season 3 Episode 4: Hypocrisy Is OK for Me, but Not for You!

Alright, it is me, Daniel D, and this is THE one and only Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast for Sunday, February 28, 2021. And this week, boys and girls, we will discuss hypocrisy.

Because every great public speaker starts off by quoting the definition of a word, I will start with the definition for the word “hypocrisy.” Webster’s Dictionary defines “hypocrisy” as “the state of being or acting like Lebron James.”

Okay, so some people thought I was too hard on Lebron James in my last episode, in which I talked about how he is such a vocal social justice warrior whenever it will signal his virtue to his fans AND there is ZERO economic risk to him personally. Which to me is kind of hypocritical. He calls other people out for not doing more to fight supposed injustices, but then he “stands up,” if you can call it that, only when it benefits him personally, and NEVER when it could cost him, even though he’s a multi-millionaire and such a good ball player that he COULD get away with taking an unpopular stand.

But nevermind whether my criticism of Lebron James for being a FUCKING HYPOCRITE is correct; there are some people who didn’t like that. “Hey man, why you calling out Lebron, at least he does speak out about some injustice. What do you do? Aren’t you hypocritical sometimes too?” And shit like that.

So let me start off by saying, it’s okay for me to be hypocritical. But it is not okay for other people, like Lebron James, to be hypocritical. You got that? Hypocrisy is okay for ME, but NOT for YOU!

And what is an example of my hypocrisy? Well, I’ll tell you. Sometimes, when I’m in my car, I like to blast the Smith’s album “Meat Is Murder” … in the drive-thru at McDonalds. Because I think it’s important for me to signal my virtue by the messages I share publicly, rather than what I actually do.

So I will play the album “Meat Is Murder” in my car, loudly, with the windows rolled down, blaring my message of how meat-eating is fucking IMMORAL, while ordering a burger in the drive-thru at McDonalds.

The drive-thru cashier will ask me to turn my music down because she can’t hear me, and I say, “Hell naw, I ain’t turnin this down! You are going to hear the message that MEAT IS MURDER and that you are working for a company that is MURDERING animals by the millions! And give me a quarter pounder with cheese.”

And she’ll say, “What? You said a quarter-pounder with cheese and what else?”

And I’ll say, “Fuck that, make it a DOUBLE quarter pounder with cheese. Kill two cows.”

And she’ll say, “What? I can’t hear you over your music. Can you turn it down so I can hear you?”

And I’ll say, “I ain’t turning it down! The customer is always right! I’m the goddam customer, and I want to play my music LOUD, so you can hear the message that MEAT IS MURDER. And I want a muthafucking double quarter pounder with cheese!”

And she’ll say, “What?”

And the people in line behind me will start honking and flipping me off, and I’ll turn the music up louder, so THEY can hear about how MEAT IS MURDER and they are in line at a restaurant that MURDERS COWS AND CHICKENS. And then I’ll lean out the window and scream into the speaker, “I want a half pound of murdered cow on a sandwich! Give me two patties of broiled cow carcass on a bun, with cheese made from the milk of some tortured dairy cow whose calf is going hungry, so that I can eat cheese!”

I want to make sure everyone hears my virtuous moral positions on the subject of meat eating. That’s why I SHOUT them at people and blast  the song “Meat Is Murder” at them.

And then I’ll drive around, pay my money, get my double quarter pounder with cheese, and eat it. And yeah, maybe I should feel a little guilty, because I’m contributing to factory farming and the miserable short lives of cows and chickens and their wholesale slaughter just to feed gluttonous Americans like me, but DAMMIT, at least I’m spreading the message that MEAT IS MURDER! You know what I’m saying? I mean, I am a vegan. Mostly, I’m a vegan. Between the hours of 3AM and 7AM, I am 100% committed to veganism – unless I happen to wake up hungry. But in between meals, at least, I am definitely a vegan. I’ll see one of those PETA undercover videos of what happens on factory farms and in slaughterhouses, and I’ll get sickened by the way the animals are stuffed into tiny, overcrowded cages, how they look sick and sad, and how their throats are slit and they scream and kick and slowly die in agony, and I’ll be like, THAT’S IT! I am gonna make it a point to SPEAK OUT and call other people out who participate in this industry. Right?

So I go to McDonalds and I blast the Smith’s album – great album musically by the way – “Meat Is Murder” at those evil McDonalds workers, and their evil customers. Now, true, while I’m there, I may order a sandwich, because I’m hungry and I have to eat and it’s convenient, but I DO MY PART by letting everyone else there KNOW how evil they are and how what they are doing is WRONG!

Now, some people might say, “Well, Daniel D, if you really feel that way, maybe you should stop eating meat!”

To which my reply is, “What would do more good? Me to stay away from McDonalds because I don’t eat meat, or me to GO to McDonalds and blast the message that MEAT IS MURDER to all the other people at McDonalds? Obviously, me signaling that virtuous message to the public and condemning all of them PUBLICLY, and shaming all those meat-eaters PUBLICLY, now THAT is going to have a much bigger impact and make me feel so much better about myself.”

In all seriousness, though, let me tell you about someone who is NOT a hypocrite. Let me tell you about someone who stands up for his beliefs at great personal risk, because he is determined to do the right thing, no matter how much harm it causes other people. Let me tell you about myself!

In addition to my newfound commitment to animal rights and my strict vegetarianism between meals, I have also become fiercely pro-Life. That’s right. I have decided that there is no greater evil facing America and the world than abortion. Not pandemics being botched by public health officials and governments and causing hundreds of thousands of people to die unnecessarily. NO! Not female genital mutilation, where girls have their clitorises removed in brutal and unsanitary surgeries, WITHOUT ANESTHESIA, in order to please Allah. NO! It’s abortion! Abortion is the greatest evil facing the world today, because of which, the wrath of God is upon America and the world, even as we speak.

So let me tell you how I became converted from being pro-choice to being pro-life. I was driving down the street, and the car in front of me had a bumper sticker that said, “It’s a child, not a choice.” And I said, “Holy shit! I had no idea! I thought it was a choice, not a child. I always thought those women were terminating their choices, I had no idea they were terminating the lives of real unborn children! That changes everything! They can kill choices; that’s cool. But killing children? No way!

So right then and there, I decided I had to take a stand. So I started fighting the evil of abortion in the name of Jesus. I started killing pregnant women. I figure, well, if there ain’t no pregnant women, there can’t be any abortions, right? I mean, pregnant women are the number one demographic when it comes to who is having all these abortions! So in the name of Jesus, I started shooting pregnant women. So far, by my last count, there are 1,375 less pregnant women who could have abortions, thanks to me. See? That’s taking action. That’s taking a stand! If other good people of faith will join me and shoot as many pregnant women as they can, then I think we can drop the number of abortions in America close to zero! Hallellujah!

So let me just end this weird episode of The Crazy Comedy, Humor and Satire Podcast with a public service announcement: be pro life; if we kill women whenever they get pregnant, we will quickly bring an end to abortion. Also, MEAT IS MURDER, muthafuckas!

And that brings us to the end of another great episode of The Crazy Comedy, Humor & Satire Podcast, starring the one and only Daniel D – that’s me – and this is episode 4, season 3, entitled “Hypocrisy is OK for Me, but NOT for YOU,” which is being released on Sunday, February 28, 2021. If you haven’t already done so, don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast, so you don’t miss any future craziness! Till next time, peace out, bitches!!!

#comedy #humor #humour #satire #podcast

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